Monday, November 23, 2009

Further Costa Rica Drama

Well, Costa Rica is off. Again. Due to poor money management, the College of Education is in a great deal of debt and cannot find enough corners to cut. They have decided to suspend our program because they want us to stay here and put our money into their coffers instead of those of the international programs.

Many of my fellow students are valiantly fighting this decision, but I have yet to throw in my full support. I feel that I may have already fought my fight for this program, and don't know if I have the energy to keep fighting. I want to support my classmates, however, so I will strive to support them, but as far as I know, I will be staying in Arizona to do my student teaching from January to May. Yay.

The worst part of it was that we had to take our state board exams (the AEPA) early since we would be in Costa Rica later. Almost all of us were registered to take this intense test on Saturday. We received an email about our cancelled program on Friday night, so we were all incredibly distracted on test day. That was probably my biggest complaint regarding the method of cancellation.

I was sad about it for like a minute when I found out, but I think I did enough crying the first time I thought I wasn't going, so I'm fairly indifferent at this point. Darn though. Darn. What makes me the saddest is the disappointment of my friends who planned to go. This is not fair to them. But, I'm moving forward and finding a placement here. I wonder what adventures await!

Costa Rica Drama

I was having a discussion with a trusted friend regarding some recent experiences in my life, and he suggested that I needed to record the following and share it. Well, where better to share your experiences than on your blog?

For three semesters I have been looking forward to going to Costa Rica to complete my student teaching. ASU has a program in Latin America, and the moment I heard about it, I knew I wanted to go. So I spent over a year saving money and preparing for this experience. At times, knowing that I would be there Spring 2010 was the only thing to get me through my classes. Over that year I did a great deal of research on how the program worked, and spoke with others who had been involved in it as well.

Finally the time came for me to begin meetings for the program. We had our initial informational meeting where we were told that there would be mandatory meetings each week until we left for Latin America, but were not given dates or times. I was thrilled; things were finally getting under way. We had a group interview the following week. At that interview, the program coordinator said, "You've all been accepted." I was so excited!!!

They closed the meeting by stating that our mandatory meetings would be held on Sundays from 12-2pm on 8 of the next 10 weeks. I was immediately devastated. I am the Relief Society President in my single's ward. We meet from 12:30-3:30 each week, and I am responsible for over 80 sisters in my ward. Aside from that fact, I have spent the last several years carefully following a personal decision not to work or do school work on the Sabbath day. I immediately approached the coordinators of the program. I explained my religious beliefs and my plight. They said they would consider my request for accommodation. I spent the rest of the weekend listening to General Conference, where all I heard was, "Do not be casual about this Gospel and your worship." I knew that I needed that accommodation, and that it would be provided if I stuck with what the Lord was asking me to do.

During that week, I emailed the coordinator with a solution for the predicament. I had a friend who was willing to tape record each meeting so that I could hear exactly what was discussed. The coordinator responded that she was unwilling to allow for this accommodation because the purpose of the meetings was "not only to convey information, but also to build community." She stated quite directly that if I was unwilling to attend the mandatory meetings, I would be better served in accepting a placement locally. I knew what I needed to do. I wanted to go to Costa Rica, and I was going to make whatever sacrifices necessary to make it happen. The following Sunday I attended a different sacrament meeting, then my leadership meetings, then left to attend the student teaching meeting. I felt ill the entire day. It was a horrible feeling and I knew that I could not feel that way every Sunday for the next 10 weeks.

I requested a personal meeting with the program coordinator. As we spoke, I expressed what a painful sacrifice it was for me to give up Costa Rica after all my preparations and desires to go, but I stated that I felt I was the only one being asked to make a sacrifice in this situation. I explained how difficult it was for me to attend the first meeting. She made a great effort to show her appreciation for my sacrifices. She stated several times that if they could only send one student teacher to Latin America, they would want to send me. While flattering, she was unwilling to find a compromise in my situation. Either I attend the meetings, or I stay in Arizona. I told her I would email her my decision, and attend the Sunday meeting a few days later if that was what I chose.

I spent the next two days crying and praying and crying some more. I was heartbroken that she was unwilling to accommodate me in something that I considered so insurmountable on my own. After a few days of praying and crying some more, I came to the conclusion that I was still unwilling to compromise my commitment to maintaining the sacred nature of the Sabbath day in my life. I chose my responsibilities to my calling and my beliefs over my strong desire to live and work in Costa Rica.

After finding peace in my decision, and moving forward with my choice to stay in Arizona, I began thinking of past and future LDS students in this program. I was saddened that no one before me had advocated for the same beliefs I had, but also recognized that my decisions were personal and not church-wide. However, as I thought of future students, I could not sit by and allow the same thing to happen to them that had happened to me. Although I was content with my choice to stay in Arizona, I felt responsible to advocate for future students.

I called the director of the office over my program, deciding to speak with someone who had more control of the future of this program. I left her a message that I would like to make an appointment to speak with her about the program; fully intending to only discuss future students. I had no desire to whine or complain about the fact that I had been rejected, but wanted them to consider accommodating students with religious convictions in the future. The woman never called me back, but I believe she did call my program coordinator. At that point, it is my best guess that she told my coordinator to "take care of this" so that she would not have to deal with me. I am certain it was their assumption that I was trying to take a case of religious discrimination higher.

The program coordinator called me to let me know that she had found an accommodation for my circumstance. She was willing to meet with me one on one for the next 10 weeks to cover any and all material for the meetings if I would find a way to build community with my fellow student teachers. I expressed to her that this was not my intent in calling her boss, but that I was not about to reject such a generous offer. Over the following weeks, the coordinator and I learned a great deal from one another. We shared many of the things we had learned from our experience together, and I found that I had been a small instrument in sharing a bit of the Gospel with this woman. She had been a powerful instrument in providing opportunities for my testimony to grow.

I see this as an incredible blessing from the Lord. He knew how greatly I wanted to be a part of this program, and He is perfectly aware of the turmoil I experienced in being rejected. I feel that it was because I was willing to follow my personal conviction to keep the Sabbath day holy that He made it possible for me to continue pursuing this program. I know that it was Him and Him alone who softened this woman's heart and allowed me the opportunity to pursue this program. It further solidified in my mind that I never want to take this Gospel for granted or treat it casually. There is nothing casual about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is His work on the earth and He will guide us as we follow Him. My heart is full of gratitude for His goodness and guidance in this matter.